In our family of origin (FOO), we all learned ways of interacting. Every family does things differently and has different beliefs, rules, boundaries, roles, and patterns. Some of these we aren’t even aware of until our partner, boss, child, or friend does something that bothers us. It can help to explore your FOO to understand where the behavior originated in your family history and how it was helpful at some point. Understanding how you get hooked by the behavior of other people and how to get unhooked and stay unhooked can be very helpful. Learning healthy boundaries and how to keep them is important.
There can be marital/partner conflict that needs to be worked out when couples run into their differences. Most of us learned some good tools and some not-so-good tools. We often need help to resolve the conflicts and improve communication. You can choose to accommodate your partner, compromise with your partner, or even find ways that both of you can get what you really want. Having me as a neutral party that coaches you towards your goals can help couples to communicate better, resolve conflicts, and choose new ways to interact.
Dynamics in families shift and change as needs change. Sometimes children become a problem in order to get parents to work together. This is not generally done consciously; it’s just a dynamic of families. Having someone outside the family, like a marriage and family therapist who is trained in this, can help families see and change those patterns.
The drama triangle of victim, persecutor, and rescuer is very powerful, but no one wins when he or she is functioning on it. Everyone comes away feeling badly. And we all get caught at times on the triangle. It can help to recognize when you are on the triangle and get some ideas about how to get off it. I can coach you through that process.
It helps to know how to handle power in ways that get you the long-term results you want. That is especially true for parents. I have taught parenting classes and have tools and book suggestions that can be helpful for you. Understanding the developmental stage that your child is going through can help you to choose how you respond to your child. Most of us want to choose responses that help our children learn and grow and keep our power as a parent.
I have taught parenting, communication, and conflict-resolution classes. If you are interested in having me come to teach, please contact me.