MARITAL / PARTNER ISSUES
In our family of origin (FOO), we all learned ways of interacting. Every family does things differently and has different beliefs, rules, boundaries, roles, and patterns. Some of these we aren’t even aware of until our partner does something that bothers us. By partners exploring your FOOs together, you can understand where behaviors originated in your family history and how it was helpful at some point. It can help to identify when and how you get hooked by the behavior of your partner and how to get unhooked and stay that way.
Most of us learned some good tools and some not-so-good tools for conflict. Learning new ways to communicate and dealing with conflict can help. You can choose to accommodate your partner, compromise with your partner, or even find ways that both of you can get what you really want. Individuals have to be willing to give up their own wants at times for the relationship’s health and well-being. But both parties have to be willing to do this. Having me as a neutral party that coaches you toward your goals can help couples to communicate better, resolve conflicts, and choose new ways to interact.
The drama triangle of victim, persecutor, and rescuer is very powerful, but no one wins when he or she is on it. Everyone comes away feeling badly. And we all get caught at times in the drama triangle. It can help to recognize when you are in it and get some ideas about how to get out of it. I can coach you through that process.
Sometimes there is an issue like inductive reasoning issues (IRI) that is affecting the relationship. Understanding IRI can be immensely helpful to couples where one struggles with it. My book can help. I have several videos that begin to explain about IRI as well.
I have worked with gay and lesbian couples and understand some of the unique issues that come when your partner is the same sex. Sometimes roles can be difficult to navigate. Being too similar can cause as much difficulty as being too different. And there are the typical communication and conflict resolution issues.
I have been married for 30-plus years and worked through many issues with my husband. I understand the difficulties and work it takes to make a marriage or partnership last. Sometimes so much hurt has happened that a marriage or partnership cannot survive. Then the work is how to part.
If you have difficulties as a couple and would like help to resolve them, please contact me.